Moving onto the next phase of my spanking life…

I am leaving the spanking scene for good…

I have copied & pasted from my private blog. Some parts are quite random. As per usual…

Here goes…

My Woman In Black…

I’m so nasty, blogging nasty things about A. Its not her fault she needs sooo much attention & gets a visit from the black dog if something negative happens…

I was reading an eye opening article. About the woman in black. Not the film. Nooo! This woman named her deep down will {whatever} the woman in black. It was interesting to read that someone else sees magik the same way I see ‘so called’ magik…

Basically it comes from us, from with in. So no matter how many chants, crystals, candles, incense, herbs, you name it; we use. It won’t work if deep down we are hanging onto that thing we want to change. I saved her blog to my favourites, because it is great to finally find a fellow ‘Mind over matter’ witch…

Its like with me & Bs. My love HATE! relationship with the wonderful ‘British spanking’ site. I was hanging onto what I had when it was good, but feeling ‘Ugh!’ at the c**ts. It was as if I was thinking ‘What else have I got to blog about?’ ‘I enjoy blogging about the c**ts’…In reality, I was boring myself senseless, holding them in my mind…

Sooo! I done a spell, I built my virtual crystal wall of protection in my mind. Instead of bricks, it is built out of beautiful crystals & stones, a glittering, colourful wall of glistening, shining colour. It is beautiful. Crystals are beautiful. I wish I could build such a wall in my garden. Maybe if I buy a crystal a week, for the rest of my life, I might manage it…

Basically one of the big ingredients of a spell, is ‘letting go’…In that woman’s case. She wanted to find a job nearer home, so she had more money & less commuting, but no amount of spells worked, until she realised that deep down she was being a martyr, enjoying her martyrdom, enjoying the praise she got for doing so much, etc etc…She worked out what was holding her back, let go of that martyrdom, with in 6 weeks she had a new job, a new home, the job was closer to home & better paid, then she had more time to rest. All because she let go of what was holding her back…

Whilst I was visiting Bs, in the guise of being nosey. Why? They’re boring, mundane little people, small minded, attention seekers……….There I go again, lol…Basically I am bored with that ‘Past!’ part of my life & I’m past accepting twat messages from chancers…Nooo! I want to write. I want to read. I want to learn all there is to know about witchcraft. I want to finish my garden, my dream garden, finish our home, my dream bohemian style ‘Good feng shui’ home…

I believe everything happens for a reason. So my Fetlife account mysteriously shutting down. The fact that I can no longer be bothered to have a nose in Bs. The fact that I built my virtual wall up to protect me from Dr M & all his negative cronies. The fact I can write when I use writing prompts, though I am a tad slow…but…slowly but surely…

Unfortunately…As much as I like B…He is the BIGGEST! scene obsessed person I could ever be friends with. Its party this, spanking that, event this, my new ‘cane-strap’ this. I am spanking so & so on such & such…& I’m thinking ‘I DON’T CARE!’ Good for you, but I’m not interested in hearing all about your wonderful scene life. I don’t quite feel the same way…

I feel so strongly about finishing my garden & home. I feel really determined to get on & write…but…One thing I notice about talking to B & hearing all about his wonderful scene life & his wonderful, brilliant singing, all writing, amazing ‘Young sub’…I question myself. Am I a fake? Am I a fraud? Should I be writing spanking stories…Hmmm?

Well of course I’m not a fake, probably my problem, I should be more fake, less ‘what you see is what you get’ but there is sooo much more smouldering deep under the thin surface. Basically I am not a scene person, I am not a ‘Group!’ person. I don’t quite fit in their box of fun bratty delights…Ugh!

I am me. I am not ‘THEMOSTWONDERFULPERFECT!” example of spanking ‘BDSM!’ scene people…Ugh! Then I think…I like you {Him}, but I never contact you, you pm me, but it is only to talk about your wonderful scene life…Ummm! What else is there to talk about? Your constant itchy hand ‘BORES!’ me. Why does it bore me? Because I am so not into being spanked these days. Yes, give me a Dom, my own Dom, not a groupie ‘brat’ Dom. For long, intense ‘Just us’ spanking sessions, still play, but I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OTHER FRIGGING BRAT WOMEN!!! FOR FECK SAKE!!! I love being spanked for pleasure, never for punishment, not for groupie fun…

The same as M…He wants to come & spank me. He doesn’t want to be my friend. Nooo! just spank me in between his wonderful scene friends & tell me all about his wonderful scene friends {Yawns!} & I’m thinking ‘Its me!’…Yeah! of course its me. I am not into ‘GROUPS!’ I am not interested in all their other ‘seemingly’ more interesting friends. I can’t be a school girly brat. Does that make me boring…Ummm!

B is OBCESSED!…Now he has found the ”School scene!’…So I have to hear all about their hilarious {Not!} bratting. As if they are sooo! wonderfully ‘fun-fun-FUN!’…I told him I have never been into the school scene…I get a…Ummm! Nothing! Just a ‘Oh’ or was it a ‘Yes’…Then he carried on…

I’m sorry, but for me. A bunch of fat, ugly, frumpy school girls, crashing around like ‘PRATS!’ bratting to get their bum smacked, trying to be the brattiest, funniest brat…Is my worst nightmare…Yet he wants to tell me all about it, as if I’m interested, as if I care, as if I share his obsession with manic brats…I DON’T!

Yet I listen. I nod. I smile…I don’t change the subject. I don’t even know what else we can talk about. One day I might lose it & come out with what I think of the ‘school scene’…What I think of the rude ignorant c**ts…See its there, festering in the depths, just because I am still interacting with excited, insatiable scene peeps. I need to let go, move on…

They say about walking away from people who no longer fit in your life, letting go of those who hold you back. Well…I don’t think I should meet B again. Or B-ch. Its not like he made a huge effort to talk to me. They are not actual friends. They are just scene friends, who are the better ones…but I’m not into the scene anymore. I have got nothing to talk about, which is of interest to them. I could have just become vanilla…

I am into spanking though. Hence I should write-write-write! My spanking thoughts should go into fiction, because the non fiction section no longer interests me in anyway. Its more like going through the motions. Writing spanking fiction, my fantasises feels more the way I want to go…

Sooo! My lady in black…That is no longer a part of my life I want to participate in. I want to move on. Thank you!

Nuff said for now…

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