Feeling Niggly In Need Of A Spanking From A Dom/spanker I know, trust & enjoy playing with…

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I am trying to keep things in perspective…

Once I lose weight, I will work harder towards finding my ideal Dom/spanker, but…I am feeling ‘Ugh!’ at the moment. My fitbit is not paired to whateverthefuckitissuppedtobepairedwith…”Grrr!!!” Nothing is ever that simple. From finding my ideal Dom/spanker, to following my weight loss journey…

I just want to get on & reach my daily 10k step goal, as well as log my food, so I can aim to have more calories out then in, calories in being the food I eat. I am aiming to have a deficit each day of at least 500-calories…

When I feel all calm & relaxed I will find out how to pair my fitbit, so I can have steps, sleep & calories on the same dashboard. Basically the steps are not paired with the calories I am logging…Ugh! I am so tempted to take the darn thing back & get a different fitness tracker…

I am confused though. Well not so much

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I am not looking for the ..Me Domly Dom! You mere sub ‘young lady’ Brat chat, is soooo! frigging boring {Yawns!} I want conversation, I want long interesting, in depth discussions. which go both ways, not just me sub! Me as a person, not just a bottom, him as a person, not just a right hand & lap. I will only play with someone who I feel close to as a good friend, not just going through the motions, no strings, no effort, no input…

confused,more feeling like I am wasting my time bothering to find a Dom/spanker. I know exactly what I want, I know exactly what I don’t want. Then I think ‘Should I give up on going with what I want & just settle for what’s out there in spanko land…Hmmmm!!!’

The thought of being used & abused by some guy with mental issues…Well it makes my skin crawl & my insides tighten into a knot of ‘DOOM!’…If that even makes sense, lol…Its like the passive aggressive guy. I know the guys having a dig. I know he would like to get hold of me & deal with me, because he thinks he can ‘DOM!’ me…but to him, I am just a dumb bitch, who doesn’t get the little digs…

Hmmm! You’re a complete stranger to me matey, so the little digs aimed to send me on a guilt trip, just make me think ‘Ohh! ***ck off! dickwad’…Though my first thought is ‘Eh?’ Whatsthisguyonaboutnow

I feel niggly today. I feel slightly anxious & stressed, but not in a ‘BLACK! & WHITE!’ extreme way, hence the niggly. It is like a itch under my skin. The bloke I started exchanging messages with a few weeks back. That fell flat on its face, I think its got a nose bleed & has gone to A&E…

My confusion? Well all the Dom/spanker blokes seem to be on a totally different planet to me. Apparently I am very different to the traditional sub. I’m thinking ‘WTF is a traditional sub???’ Does she just put all her trust into a bloke, any bloke, who happens to give himself the title ‘Dom!’…???

Does the traditional sub ‘On a spanking site, looking for a Dom/spanker’ happen to just accept that the stranger dude is going to Dom her, talk down to her, talk at her, decide he is going to train her…Gawd! It reminds me of cold callers, expecting you to do a survey because you answered the door or phone…Sheesh!

Ohh! Yeah! That guy {Sighs} The fact he labeled me as different said it all. Different? As opposed to being the same as all the other bottoms? Me Dom. You sub. Me complete stranger gives you task, you traditional sub do as I tell you, even though we never actually got round to having a frigging conversation, where we ‘chat’ & ‘discuss’ what each of us is actually into…

Me- I stopped doing homework when I left school 32 yrs ago…Him-Still waiting for a detailed essay on my perfect spanking scenario…Me- Ugh! Can’t be arsed to sit down & write my idea of a great spanking session. Try talking to me. Try having a conversation with me. Try discussing what we are both into, as equals, as two adults into the same things…AKA Spanking!

Okay! So obviously we’re not into the same things. He traditional Dom. Me woman into being spanked for sexual, sensual, erotic spanking ‘For pleasure!’…I will only allow someone I like & get on with, to do something so intimate to me. I am not just a bottom. Not just a sub, programed to serve any bloke who calls himself a ‘Dom!’…

I did think about giving him the links to my spanking blogs, but then I couldn’t be arsed. I mentioned my blogs to him, but he did not ask about them, so I took it that he was not interested in reading blogs, some blokes get quite arsey when given the option of reading my blog rather then ask me lots & lots & lots of questions. Conversation is fine, being interviewed, or more like interrogated, lol…Is…Ummm! So impersonal…

A few years back I met this Dom/spanker guy for a chat, I had already met him at a spanking party, but not to talk or play, he was meeting some other sub woman at the party, their first meeting…Anyway…We had been exchanging messages. We decided to meet face to face for a chat. The next step…

Afterwards he seemed uninterested, he carried on looking & even let me know in our dwindling messages that he was still looking but not having much luck, I was going to meet him again, but that never happened. Then he dwindled away completely. Fair enough I was not the one for him…but…He comes back…& basically said it was me who blew him out…Fair enough if that is what you believe…

He had been discussing meeting women, to his fellow munch meet friends. Some woman reckoned it should be down to the woman to make the first move…Ummm! Surely it should come from both the man & woman. It should come down to communication. I agreed to meet this bloke. It was him that canceled our next meet. Then I left him to it. Because how I see it. Persistence coming from someone you are not interested in, can be so ‘Ugh!’. I got the hint…

Ohh! Yeah! Apparently our meet was a disaster…I thought ‘Ohh! Okay! I never see it that way, I thought we got on quite well, but…hey ho!’…I jokingly said ‘What do you mean the flying umbrellas? lol’ The sun umbrella took off across the pub garden & hit him…Also we sat at a table which had wet paint…Thooough! I get the feeling the disaster in his mind was more to do with me not being out going enough…At one point he said ‘Oh great, the awkward silence’…Personally I felt slightly hurt by that comment. What if I said ‘Oh great, I can’t get a word in edgeways’…I was talking, trying to make conversation, but…I wouldn’t mind, he wasn’t exactly Mister personable guy…Sheesh!

How I see it…It was not awkward. He may have felt awkward, I did not feel awkward. What is it with these insecure peeps who can’t cope with the silent void in between conversation. Actually at the time I was taking a few mouthfuls of wine…Jeeze! So was that aimed at me? Me making it awkward…Hmmm! Passive aggressive, much…

Anyway…Back to where he had failed to find a sub, so had come back to me…What second choice? Nearer 3rd-4th-5th even…Hmmmm! He wanted to start all over again with the questions. I told him to go & read my blog. He told me not to go there. I was thinking ‘Grrrr!!!’ Why don’t you ***k off!…but I chose the more polite, tactful, diplomatic response…As in ‘We have been through this & it never worked out’ {Or words to that effect}

Personally I don’t take kindly to being someones second-third-fourth-Whatever! choice…If it was meant to be, it would have happened…He was another typical Domly {switch} guy, with the talking down to me, patronising, condescending…You brat! Me Dom!…Ugh! Please! Just talk to me as adults into spanking, cut the naughty girl crap!

When I am talking to you. I AM NOT BRATTING! trying to earn a frigging spanking…Jeeze! I despair that I will ever find a man capable of seeing me as a woman into spanking for pleasure…No I’m not totally frustrated! As in 100% frustrated! It is more 25% bored 25% amused 25% determined to stick to finding my ideal Dom 25% FRUSTRATED!

Yet I will still be judged, lol…Ohh! Well! Such is life..

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