Maybe my mind is some alien experiment, lol…

 

I was just looking through the posts in the INFJ facebook group. I came across this one, it made me chuckle to myself, as you do…

INFJ·

Do you guys ever do experiments with yourselves?
Example: mimic certain traits/mindsets/behavior/etc.

 

I would say my whole life is one big experiment, made up of lots of little ‘failed’ experiments. Well…I say failed, but in reality, if I stop & think about it, I have many achievements under my belt, so to speak…

My kids & my marriage being the main ones. When I think about the things that affect me. Usually the nasty, thoughtless, unnecessary comments & acts from people with underlying insecurity ‘issues’…Like jealousy, like being stuck up when it comes to ‘sociable’ behaviour…

Sometimes I find it easier to be aloof, but apparently being aloof is rude, but one thing I notice is, if I try & be more outgoing, it feels so wrong to me, it feels embarrassing, like I am doing something wrong. At spanking parties I got more friendly attention from the Dom guys, when I was being aloof, or maybe I wasn’t actually being aloof, I was just being myself, a quiet person…

If you try too hard it comes across as being too insincere & I feel sooo! uncomfortable. I was once told that I was demure & demure women are more desirable…Unfortunately the screeching, LOUD! attention seeking, needy, fun! Bratting, inappropriate laughing…Ummm! women see that as a weakness. Be demure??? What is it the victorian times, where women were sweet, unassuming, sat there & looked pretty…Woman HATE! that & OMFG! Do you ever get judged harshly for being considered ‘sweet’ & of course ‘demure’ among other things…{Maybe we should try & hug it out, whilst laughing}

I have also been told by a Dom guy, that I was ‘the whole package’…I thought ‘thank you’ that is a very flattering compliment, {Blushes demurely} {Head swells, lol} please don’t tell the LOUD! FUN! BRAT! OTT! women…”Yaaakes!” Can you imagine the piss taking. I don’t have to imagine it. I am subject to it, every time I go to a spanking party, where the men enjoyed playing with me…Of course Mz B, the deed pole queen, soon put a stop to that {Oops! Did I say that out loud}

My ‘then’ Dom said to me ‘Women don’t want attention from men, they want attention from other women’ That makes so much sense. Where I ‘fail’ again. I get on better with men, then women. Men are a lot less judgey & well bitchy {Though I know a few old women, gossipy, bitchy men. lol} They’re usually the blokes trying not to offend the women in the spanking scene. Because you upset one, you upset the lot of them. They talk to each other you know…Then you’re DOOMED! Poor defenseless guys…

Where as, if you upset me. You upset ME! I don’t involve every other…well you know. I am lucky enough to have a few close friends. Friends who like me for who I am & a great marriage, no thanks to a few c***’s we had the misfortune to meet in the scene & get involved with, believing they was genuine people. We was sooo naive & gullible…

My friend who I used to go to parties with, is like me. Shes a ‘man’s’ woman…Hang on that sounds wrong. Shes a woman who gets on better with men, but because we’re not like…Ummm! Women! We get on like a house on fire with each other. Nooo! we’re not {Get that out of your mind right now. Hmmm!}

Experiment on myself to seek approval from the women…”Yaaakes!” I am strong minded, I am brave, but I am not that brave. To me it is like. Just talk to me properly, as a person. Grow up luv. I am not going to smother your inflated ego with lots of ‘lovely’ hugging & kissing & smother you with the attention you appear to sooo desperately need…….Ugh! Too much for me…

Its like at the parties, with my Dom…The women he played with were judgy moo bags to me. Where as the men were respectful & friendly to him. Of course being a man, he never noticed the jealous behaviour {Rolls my eyes}…I get on better with men, but sometimes, lets face it, you need a sledge hammer…

Not fitting in, might destroy some women, but for me, I’d rather talk to & play with the guys. The decent guys of course. Though that did get quite overwhelming at times. Sooo! Many men asking me to play {Woe is meeee! Dramatic sigh! I was sooo hard done by. Another dramatic sigh! Wait. Wheres a woman I feel threatened by. I can SNUB!}. I could not play with everyone who asked. I also wanted to sit down with my friend, have some red wine, chat to the men who came over to chat; not just play…

I do miss parties…I do miss the men at the parties…but I don’t miss the unprovoked, undeserved, unnecessary,judgy, jealousy induced bitchiness from the women. Grow up luv! Jeeze! There is a tad too much narrow mindedness for me though…

I am going to try an experiment on myself…Pushing myself forward more, rather then steering clear of the crap, from the shit stirrers…Yeah! I know there is a gaggle of them…Yeah! They take the piss out of me, laugh at me, gossip about me, spread malicious rumours about me…but…WOW! How amazing am I for someone soooo wall flower like, lol…

71c52c9b17ce28bb0098e809781cd03f
Me…I always deserve a spanking because I enjoy it so much…

For someone so quiet, so reserved, so keep myself to myself. I am SO! LOUD! & NOTICABLE! Someone did once tell me that I have a presence, that I am noticed when I walk in the room…Awww! Thank you! Maybe that is the problem, I am too visible to the gaggle, lol…Yes I know, I am being a conceited moo bag right now…Oo! Get me…{Grins}

Its lunch time. I need food…

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